


Need You Now

by mysticmelody



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kang Jaehee's Route (Mystic Messenger), Rare Pairings, Regret, Self-Hatred, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticmelody/pseuds/mysticmelody
Summary: In which Jumin loses it after the loss of his best friend V and regrets driving Jaehee to leave C&R.
Relationships: Han Jumin & Kang Jaehee, Han Jumin & V | Kim Jihyun, Han Jumin/Kang Jaehee
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Need You Now

**Author's Note:**

> The song featured is Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. I actually heard the song and was reminded of Jumin and how he would probably feel post Jaehee route.

**Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.**

Grey eyes recounted the events of the past few days, still locked in an eternal state of numb nothingness and confusion.

The images of his best friend confiding in him for the last time before taking his own life plagued his mind. At least, that's what he assumed happened. V was never upfront about what he was planning, but Jumin knew. When he opened that door after Jaehee left his house and saw the mint-haired man standing there, he knew.

He knew that to V, all of their time spent together meant nothing. Not when he had lost the love of his life. Not when he had lost all hope in himself and drowned in the self-blame. You could say that his fate was sealed when his beloved blonde decided it was too difficult to live in this world any longer.

Jumin bit his lip and opened the drawer on the very bottom of the left side of his desk--the one no one opened. The one that held all of the things he didn't want to think about.

He winced in pain as he touched the thick paper of the printed-out photos as if they burned to the touch. To him, they did.

The pictures were of past RFA parties, dinner dates between Rika and V, where Jumin was invited as an awkward third wheel; days where the members gathered together in various places--parks, cafes, restaurants--not as members of an organization or for business matters, but as friends. These were all the things that V felt weren't enough to keep on living.

One after the other, Jumin threw those pictures into the floor. The ones with V in them, the ones with Rika, even those that were of only flowers or nature--or even other RFA members. They all meant the same thing to him now. Pain.

It didn't matter who was in the photo, they were all taken by the same person. All painted by the same artist. The artist that had decided that it was in everyone's best interest to erase himself from his own paper.

Jumin stared at the last picture that was left, not yet tossed into the scattered floor of his office. His hands clutched it in partial anger when he first spotted the familiar brunette, but as he gazed over the female's cheery golden eyes and soft, pink lips that were upturned into an innocent smile, he grasped the picture in longing.

Oh yes, and that was the other issue.

His long-time assistant for almost two years--the one and only woman of which he had deemed worthy other than his precious Elizabeth, the one of whom he was closest with out of everyone excluding V, one of the _very_ few people which he would trust his life with--had left him.

He knew she deserved better. It was only time before she got tired of his constant nagging, the late hours, and ridiculous cat projects. It was only time before she grew to hate him and everything he had ever done--Jumin knew that, too.

Harm was never meant to come to her. He was only stressed from his father's work overload; he didn't fully understand just what she felt and what her limits were; he didn't realize what he had until he lost it... What other excuses would his mind come up with? What other reasons could he conjure for his insensitivity?

Jumin missed her so greatly. He missed her smile that he rarely got to see, the way her eyes lit up when she received a cup of coffee, how her short, brown hair would sway in front of her eyes when she was fully focused on an assignment. He longed to see her, hear her, _touch_ her. What he wouldn't do for a simple handshake or a friendly hug--or even to hear her complaints about him and his obsession with cat projects.

Suddenly, it hit him. Somehow, after days of these tragic happenings, the sudden realization has finally struck. In the span of a day, he had lost the two people closest to him.

He threw the picture in his hands to the floor with the others, the smiling brunette landing face down.

He had never felt more alone than in those moments of consciousness.

 **Reaching for the phone 'cause** **I** **can't** **fight it anymore.**

Jumin rummaged through the documents coating his desk, eyes lighting up when his hands ran across the smooth glass screen that his fingers were so well acquainted with.

His fingers ran their usual course, pressing the letters to spell 'Assistant Kang' on demand. He didn't even think about doing so, the journey so etched into his mind that he was completely sure that he could do it with his eyes closed.

A small smile was brought to his face as he spotted her contact, the picture of her peacefully sleeping reminding him of the time he had taken it.

She was exhausted from a weekend of caring for Elizabeth and completing other reports, which ended in Jaehee resting on her crossed arms, features gentled by the lull of slumber. Finding her tranquil appearance oddly entrancing, Jumin quickly snapped a photo of her--for once, the outcome not incomprehensible due to blurriness--promising that she should never find out about the incident. He even let her sleep for as long as she could--which may or may not have been to his own benefit.

Shaking the memory from his mind and the smile from his face, Jumin pressed her icon and gazed at the little green phone. His thumb hovered over the button, a mere centimeter away from being saved from his internal turmoil.

 _What are you doing?_ he questioned himself, growing anxious as he found his finger being stopped by an invisible force. _It's_ _not_ _that difficult, just press the damn button._

Still unable to move his hand, Jumin's eyes widened as another discovery hit him.

 _Stop,_ a voice told him in a tone reminiscent of how Zen always sounded when he spoke of Jumin's manners as Jaehee's boss. _She_ _isn't_ _your employee._ _She_ _doesn't_ have _to deal with you anymore._

 **And** **I** **wonder if I ever cross your mind.**

Jumin stared at the brunette on his screen, finding the strength to move his fingers finally, but they backed away from the screen instead of nearer.

It was no longer Jaehee's responsibility to look after him. She only did so because she felt it was her issue to handle as his employee, and now that she was not, she had no business being involved. After all, that's what their relationship was, right? Business. Strictly business.

It was what he deserved after being such an inconsiderate and selfish man. The loss of someone as wonderful as her was only his reprisal.

Still, Jumin held a shard of hope. A hope that maybe, just maybe, she missed him as much as he missed her. A hope that she thought about him as often as he did her. A hope that she didn't hate him as greatly as she seemed to. A hope that if he called her right now and told her everything, she would still drop anything to comfort him.

**For me it happens all the time.**

He knew he would for her.

Just one call and he would be at her side, ready to do anything and everything to have her with him once more. He didn't care for the assistant aspect anymore, he only wanted his prized companion back. He just wanted to have someone to speak to, someone who would understand him.

Jaehee was always good at comprehending him. Either that, or she was really good at faking it for the sake of keeping her job.

Both Jumin and Jaehee were taunted by being referred to as "emotionless robots" by many tabloids, other media sources, and even several of their friends. The only ones who seemed to know that that claim was false were one another, and they had been through several emotional moments together. Jaehee was the only one, other than V, who ever saw Jumin break down, and vice versa.

Surely they couldn't just lose all of that because she left the company, right?

There had to be some part of her that genuinely cared for him as much as he did her, right?

 **It's** **a quarter after one,** **I'm** **all alone, and** **I** **need you now.**

As much as he hated to admit it, he needed Jaehee.

He needed her so that he could escape the thoughts that buried his mind, so that he could finally open up to someone about all that V had told him. He couldn't keep it all in, not after all of this.

Why, oh _why,_ did he have to screw things up now--in the moments where he has lost the only other source of contentment and company he had?

He couldn't rely on anyone else for the kind of relaxation he had gained from speaking to Jaehee. None of the other RFA members could wrap their heads around his strange behavior, or they wouldn't be able to take him seriously. His father was never someone he could go to for emotionally laboring issues. Hell, he was the one who had taught him, since he mother left when he was a meager child, to mask his emotions because they were nothing in a world of business.

Even when V was around, Jumin tended to depend more and more on Jaehee rather than his best friend. He changed after the death of Rika--he was more absent, less honest, more secretive--and Jumin couldn't stand it. He spent years watching his best friend warp into someone new, slowly drifting away from one another, and it bothered him to no end.

 **Said** **I** **wouldn't** **call** **, but** **I** **lost all control, and** **I** **need you now.**

Jumin watched as the light on his phone's screen went dark, feeling that that small action had made his decision for him.

He couldn't call her this late. It was one in the morning, and although she had probably been used to sleeping much later than that when she worked for him, he knew that she intended on trying to fix her sleep schedule for her new career. She no longer was plagued with his nagging at this hour, and she was better off that way.

Calling her would bring back old habits. He should try to become more dependent on himself rather than others--rather than her. She had her own life and he did as well, and they were not intertwined anymore. Not in the way that would keep their relationship consistent, at least.

 **And I** **don't** **know how** **I** **can do without.**

If Jumin was completely honest, he didn't know how long he could go without an outlet for his emotions. He already held in everything, kept it all bottled up to remain the sane, stable man that he had to appear as.

The sad fact that the businessman didn't want to face was that he was, disappointingly, a very emotional human. He felt more sentiments than many others did, he just shoved them deep down until he absolutely _had_ to acknowledge it.

Was it unhealthy? Yes. Did Jumin Han really care? No.

It was the only way he knew how to handle having such feelings, and it was his only option with the absence of any companion.

**I just need you now.**

Jumin stared at his blank phone before placing it back on his desk, still hoping that it would vibrate and ring that tropical-sounding tone that he hated--hell, he wouldn't give a damn as long as it was Jaehee.

He wasn't going to call her, it was self-centered and nonsensical, but if she was the one to call him to ask if he was alright, he would reveal what was irking him in a heartbeat. His broken mind didn't even question how she could possibly know such a thing about him in this hypothetical scenario, he just ached to hear her say that she cared about how he felt because it was apparent no one else did.

**Another shot of whiskey.**

Thinking about V made him feel hurt and angry. He didn't understand why he held so many secrets from his best friend. Was he not good enough? Was their friendship all just a lie itself? There were far too many questions and Jumin didn't have the time to try and find the answers. That, and he truly feared most of the responses he would get.

He was never the man to heavily drink, only a glass of wine when he had issues with sleeping, but this occasion seemed like an appropriate reason to.

Taking a look in one of the lower cabinets of his desk, he found just what he was looking for; an old bottle of whiskey his father had gifted him for some holiday a while back. He had only tried a few sips of the strong drink before, finding it far too stout for his liking. However, it appeared in his state of mind as the perfect solution for a problem that couldn't be fixed.

Jumin didn't even bother to find a glass, simply screwing the lid off the caramel-colored drink and taking a huge swig of it. He took three more large gulps, the liquid burning the back of his throat even less after every sip. The taste was genuinely terrible, but he didn't want to enjoy drinking it. He wanted to forget; to numb the never-ending ache that resided in his chest.

 **Can't** **stop looking at the door.**

The more he drank, the more he glanced at the door to his office. It started being every few minutes, and now he could barely pull his gaze away from the boring, brown entryway.

If he had wished for Jaehee to waltz through the door previously, then he _yearned_ for it now.

His drunken mind imagined the doorknob shaking, the brunette he was so desperately close to walking in, face contorted in confusion and shock at his state. She would immediately rush to him, her small arms would wrap around his cold body, warming him physically and emotionally.

 _God_ , how he was so madly desperate for her.

 **Wishing** **you'd** **come sweeping in the way you did before.**

She had seen him like this a few times before, drunk and sentimental.

In fact, after the first two times of seeing it, she caught onto him fairly quickly. She saw how he tended to drink excessively when he was bothered by something, and she was one of the few reasons that he didn't do this more often.

He could imagine her furrowing her brows as she glared at him. She would scold him for being so hazardous with his health, saying something along the lines of 'How could you be so careless? I care about you far too much to see you like this. Just talk to me instead, Jumin...' She only called him by first name when she was making an important statement.

After her speech of disapproval towards his actions, she would calmly ask him what was on his mind, and he always told her, even when he wasn't drunk yet. She would listen and give her input, which was always the positivity that he needed, and she would even rest her hand on his to attempt to provide him comfort.

There was even a time when he spoke of his mother's exit from his life--he was reminded of it after seeing news of her travelling the world--and he was especially torn up about it. He had never said anything about it to anyone before, not even V, and yet he spilled all of his insecurities to the brunette almost instantly. When she saw how utterly demolished he was from the emotional damage, she even went so far as to hold the poor man in her arms, letting him cry into her chest as she rested her head on his shoulder and played with his hair.

Jumin felt tears prick at his eyes as he could almost feel her embracing him, the alcohol officially taking effect. He ran his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit he had developed when he tried to recreate the comfort Jaehee provided when she did so.

 **And** **I** **wonder if I ever cross your mind.**

Once again, the questions clouded his brain. Had all of that really been just due to their business relationship? Had she truly felt _nothing_ when she decided it was best to leave him behind forever? How had she done such a thing wih almost no warning or hesitation?

Of course, the two could still have conversations and be friends, sure, but it wasn't the same. They were no longer as close, and Jumin feared that she held grudges against him for all the wrong he had done her. Things could never move on after such a drastic change. It would be too awkward.

 **For me it** **happens** **all the time.**

Jumin's thoughts shifted as he began to ponder more about her leave.

Had she felt betrayal every time he asked her to watch Elizabeth? To start another cat project? To stay behind with him and do hours of overtime work? To listen to his issues? Had every time just piled up until she couldn't take it anymore?

Those uncertainties caused a bigger pang to his chest, the guilt and self-hatred beginning to take physical affect on him.

He always asked why everyone left him, but it was apparent now.

He was never good enough, always such a terrible person that everyone had to get out of his life as quickly as they possibly could. He was a selfish and cruel man, not worthy of anyone's affection. He only deserved a twisted love, the kind that would only be a product of someone who only used him for money, fame, sex, or some other material pleasure.

All of this was only his well-deserved punishment.

 **It's** **a quarter after one,** **I'm** **a little drunk, and** **I** **need you now.**

Jumin looked back at his phone expectantly, despite everything, still awaiting the call that would save him from his self-loathing misery.

He stared at the object, imagining the black screen lighting up, showing his background picture of Elizabeth the Third lying on the green grass of Paris, France.

He scoffed at the thought. He loved Elizabeth the Third, yes, but he was aware of her inability to comprehend him. He was so complicated that he relied on a mere cat to understand him, to try and comfort him when she was not even able to fathom what any of his words even meant.

Thinking of that only hurt him more. Even the love he showered his cat with was a fraud.

 **Said** **I** **wouldn't** **call, but** **I** **lost all control, and** **I** **need you** **now.**

_It's_ _too_ _late,_ he repeated in his head. _Don't_ _call her right now._ _Don't_ _harass her._ _You've_ _caused enough damage to the poor woman._

He still picked up the phone and looked at the few images of Jaehee he had in his gallery. Most of them were blurry, if not from Jumin's shaky hands then from the tears that blinded his vision. Nonetheless he studied every inch of her that he could see, trying to memorize what she looked like in preparation for whenever their last meeting may be. He had a feeling it would be soon.

 **And** **I** **don't** **know how** **I** **can** **do without.**

Jumin gripped his chest, grasping his pinstriped shirt as the thoughts of how he had wronged Jaehee reappeared. The reminder of his best friend's death made his case worse, causing the male to feel a sickening lump in his throat. He felt like trying to grab the bottle of alcohol again, but struggled to do so.

Tears rushed down his face and he suddenly found it extremely difficult to breathe properly. He could inhale, but it was ragged and his lungs felt like they weren't getting any oxygen from the apparently lousy attempts of his body. He felt himself begin to slightly panic, especially when he realized he was unable to shove all of these feelings down as usual.

**I just need you now.**

_I'm_ _going to die here,_ Jumin thought in the midst of his anxiety, _how pitiful._

Had his loneliness really become too much for him, now? Would he be able to make it after this?

After this... That caused another train of ideas from the businessman. His eyes widened as he realized that this was only the product of him being truly alone for a few days. How would he handle weeks--months, years--of being so unbearably and miserably alone? Would anyone ever love him? Would anyone ever stay by his side permanently?

 **Guess** **I'd** **rather hurt than feel nothing at all.**

Jumin hated himself for wallowing in self-pity. He had brought this upon himself by being stubborn and ignorant, he had no right to be so heartbroken. He had no right to beg for Jaehee to return and give him the time of day.

It was better this way.

At least he now felt something instead of the numbness of his usual self, even if it was something excruciatingly painful.

 **It's** **a quarter after one,** **I'm** **all alone, and** **I** **need you now.**

He felt himself slowly giving in to the temptation.

The electronic device that resided on his desk during this whole mishap stared holes into Jumin. He felt himself reaching for it, unable to stop his hands from lifting the cold phone.

 **And** **I** **said** **I** **wouldn't** **call, but** **I'm** **a little drunk, and** **I** **need you now.**

The device turned on and the familiar photo of Elizabeth smiled at Jumin. He couldn't smile back.

He found himself going to his contacts once more, thinking that he was all the way back to square one of his plan for independence. Typing in the pattern of words that he knew by heart, he was again faced with the photo that he took of the woman who used to work for him.

 **And** **I** **don't** **know how** **I** **can do without.**

Jumin was once again faced with the green button that would seal his fate.

Either he could call her and annoy her with his issues like a child, or he could keep living through this insufferable hell all by himself. He could keep relying on the female's attention, or he could try and come up with a healthier way to cope with his problems. Either he could be selfish, or he could move on with his life like any person with half a heart would do.

With it worded that way, he knew what he was going to choose.

He couldn't take it any longer.

He questioned whether being selfish was really that bad, and decided that maybe it wasn't.

**I just need you now.**

He gently tapped the green button, surprised when he heard the sound of the dial tone awaiting Jaehee's arrival. He was almost too shocked that he had done it himself.

A minute passed, although it felt like an hour for the male, and his heart began to sink. He knew it was too late. He knew that even if she happened to be awake, she surely would not waste her time on her ex-boss who treated her like utter garbage.

There was no way someone as wonderful and beautiful as Jaehee Kang would spend her time trying to help a poor man such as Jumin Han. It was unreasonable... right?

Just as Jumin was about to hang up, the annoying ringing noise ceased and a voice finally answered.

"Jumin?" Jaehee said, her voice clearly displaying her complete disbelief and confusion towards this conversation.

It was just her voice, just her saying his name, that caused the male to burst into tears. The tears that were far more intense than any that he had shed alone, ironically. Things hurt slightly less, but he was just so genuinely grateful to hear her that he let his guards fall away.

Jaehee listened to his crying for a few seconds, most likely processing the fact that he had just burst into tears for god-knows-why, before cautiously speaking to him. "Jumin, what's wrong?"

**I just need you now.**

Not knowing what else to say, he simply said what he had longed for. His voice shook and croaked, barely capable of being comprehensive, yet he still whispered the words into the microphone.

"I just need you now."


End file.
